


but it’s killing me to love you

by sapphfics



Category: Hunger Games Series - All Media Types, Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins, Shadowhunters (TV), The Hunger Games (Movies), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Hunger Games Setting, Crossover Pairings, F/F, Femslash, i swore to myself i’d Never write sh again and then jenna made a video so...here we are, this thing needed to go up forever ago sdjfnsdkjf, trying to make the tmi characters fit in this setting was hard ok???????
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-17
Updated: 2019-01-17
Packaged: 2019-09-22 12:21:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,431
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17059691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sapphfics/pseuds/sapphfics
Summary: “I have a sister too,” Katniss tells her. “I mean - you already know that but - I’m sorry you’re both here. I can’t imagine -”“It’s alright,” Clary says. “I mean, it could be worse. You’re here with your boyfriend, aren’t you?”Katniss scoffs but makes no other comment because cameras are on them always.Or: Clary, Katniss and the 74th annual Hunger Games





	but it’s killing me to love you

**Author's Note:**

> dedicated to jenna, who should take all credit for this idea, [go watch her brilliant crossover video for these two](https://youtu.be/Z1_6IqoFPag)
> 
> all chapter titles taken from the album ‘revival’ by vancouver sleep clinic 
> 
> (i started this in _june_ i’m so sorry also i read all the books but i haven’t put myself through the majority of season 2 of the show and i don’t plan to so if i’m missing info that’s why)

_It's worth too much to give it in_  
_You gave it all for this_

The night that Clary turns sixteen, she attends her first party in the Capitol with a parade of cameras in her wake.

Technically, she can’t call it a party, and the news crews don’t, either. It’s a ceremony, supposedly, in loving memory of her parents, but she knows better. The former patrons of her parents have watched her for her entire life and have decided to declare her a woman. It’s sick, she knows, but she supposes she should consider herself lucky she’s even made it this far, since they declared Finnick a man at only fourteen.

It doesn’t matter. She knows exactly how this will go.

Her mother and father married soon after each of their respective games, but that didn’t stop Snow. Though, she considers, there isn’t much that does. Her mother spent the first five years after winning coming home at strange hours in awful leather skirts and ridiculous feather boas, her purse full of whiskey to get through it all. The new victor, a girl from One, made her debut to the adoration of thousands. The patrons now claimed they felt guilty taking her away from her children, or complained that her stretch marks made her disgusting until Snow decided she wasn’t worth it anymore. Her father still got clients, though, until Snow finally lost interest after he nearly strangled one of the customers to death with an expensive gold belt. The woman loved that, but Snow prefers his pets with a little less bite. Clary seems perfect.

It almost gives her hope. Maybe, if she charms enough of the Capitol with her sob story and the allure of a kiss or more, she might actually escape the Games.

It’s nice to dream.

The Pandemonium club is a relic from before the Dark Days before anything, the sign blinking like unseen eyes, but she doesn’t care to ask about the history. She lets the music blast in her ears, lets herself dance with anyone who asks, drinks until her mind is quiet until she is just spinning, spinning, spinning ―

She’s got her tongue in another girl’s mouth, her hands up the woman’s shirt, and she can hear a crowd of men around them are cheering.

The girl’s hair is loose around her face when she pulls away, grinning. She pulls a pen from her suit pocket and scribbles something on the inside Clary’s wrist. “I’m Maia Roberts. If you survive the Games, call me.”

“You know,” A man puts his hands on her hips, whispering in her ear. “I’d pay quite handsomely for another show like that…”

Clary doesn’t remember much, after that.

She stumbles into a back room and witnesses a blue haired man get stabbed to death, but no one else can see them.

“Just as crazy as her father,” The security guard laughs. “But prettier than her mother ever was.”

She remembers she has to be home in time for Reaping Day, and vomits on his shoes.

-:-

“Boys first!” As their attendant reaches her sticky pink nails into the Reaping bowl, the crowd descends into a silence so thick it hurts Clary’s ears. She already knows what names will be pulled out but a small part of her hopes that maybe, just maybe, the wind will pick up and will stop this -

“Jonathan Morgenstern.”

Clary watches her brother walk to the stage, sees him smile wildly at their attendant, trying to be charming already - but he is smiling with too many teeth, she realises, he is becoming a predator because he refuses to be prey - and she is almost glad their mother isn’t alive to see this.

The attendant calls for volunteers. Predictably, it remains silent. Clary’s heard whispers about her brother her entire life. Sebastian is a born career tribute, really, it’s a shame he had to be born in Five. They think he will win. No one would even dare try and take his place, not that they’d want to.

“Anything you want to say?” The attendant twirls her hair around one finger. She isn’t supposed to let them speak yet, but Sebastian has this hypnotic effect on people.

“My real name is Jonathan,” Sebastian says. “But everyone calls me Sebastian. I am ready to fight for you, to bring glory to my district.”

A lot of the wealthier adults in the back crowd cheer. This is a promise: they will club together money to buy him whatever supplies he needs for the arena. Her brother has always been ruthless and it will serve him well. Clary is just glad they outlawed cannibalism.

The attendant giggles. Sebastian takes a step back from the microphone. She won’t stop grinning like some besotted schoolgirl. So, she reaches into the bowl again and lets out a forced gasp. “Clarissa Morgenstern.”

As she ascends the stage, Clary remembers just how easy it was to kill her father and is strangely calm. If she can kill a grown man, children should be easy, shouldn’t they?

 

She looks at Luke - Luke, who’s staring into space - and tries to be as strong he was. She’s doesn’t pretend to be shocked, shows as little emotion on her face as possible. Victors' children are almost always reaped. It’s practically tradition. They think it makes the games more fun. It’s not uncommon for Victor’s to have children, though many are single parents, it’s rare for the children to live long enough to even see their first Reaping. Two Victor’s to have children together is practically an anomaly. Victor’s are often so broken after their games that they can’t even form relationships anymore.

Sure, her father lost his mind, kidnapped her brother, burned their house down, and murdered her mother but aren’t their children so beautiful, so strong?

As expected, no one volunteers to take her place.

Clary shakes her brother’s hand, swallows back her own grief like she’s choking on poison. She won’t let him see her be weak, not now, not ever. She looks to the crowd again. Izzy’s face is fixed with a forced smile, as though she’s trying to assure that everything will be alright, that she will live. Clary shuts her eyes for just a second and tries to believe her.

:-:

Her mother is dead, Luke is already on the train, her father killed Jace and she killed her father. She has no family left to say goodbye too.

Izzy, Maia, Simon, Magnus and Alec come to say goodbye together. It doesn’t surprise her, really, but she just hugs each of them once, because it might be the last time she ever gets the chance. She thinks they came together to show her that they’ll be alright even if she dies, that they’ll stay together. There isn’t much to be said, really. How can you say anything meaningful in just three minutes?

“Always thought you’d be the one to kill me,” Clary jokes but Alec doesn’t laugh.

Simon won’t let go of Maia’s hand. Clary remembers that night with him and Raphael in the graveyard, Simon covered in dirt, crying. The night she’d tried to kill herself. He visibly swallows. 

“I didn’t think I’d have to let you go so soon,” he says.

“We got as much time as the Capitol would let us,” Clary reminds him. “I’ll put on a good show.”

Isabelle kisses her on the cheek, leaving a lipstick mark that Clary doesn’t wipe away. “You have me,” she whispers, a reminder of happier times when Isabelle would hold Clary in her arms until Clary could almost feel safe. “You always will, okay? Please, try and come home.”

“Who said I was giving up?” Clary responds and Izzy just smiles. Smiling was her way of trying to make the world a little brighter. It got harder after Max - “I won’t let him win, I swear.”

She knows she shouldn’t make promises she can’t keep, so she isn’t. In his own horrible way, she knows Sebastian loves her. That he’ll do a lot for her. Hopefully, that includes dying.

Alec lets himself linger in the doorway for a second after everyone had made their tearful exit.

“I’ll make sure they bury you beside your mother,” he whispers.

She doesn’t even cry, not until after they’re long gone and she’s hiding under her covers on the train.

:-:

On the train, her brother promises to die for her and it should make her anything but happy.

Clary is not as good of a person as she likes to think, but then again, who is?


End file.
